Emotions - For, or against you?

So, OK, most of us have some sort of sense about what emotions are, BUT as we often do, let's start with a definition.

Emotion (noun): a strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others:

So an emotion is a "feeling," and we can distinguish it from a "thought," which is the other thing that occurs in the mind.

Question: Now, you wonder, why are we bringing this up, more specifically, why this question about whether emotions are for you, or against you?

The short answer: Emotions work both ways, so it is important to see how that happens.

Right, some might say, there are negative emotions that we don't like and positive ones that we do like.  Simple as that.

Wrong, we would say, they ALL can be positive at times and they ALL can be negative at times, and we intend to show how.

Some basic background information:

First, we aren't going to discuss the idea that we like some emotions and dislike others.  Our intent here is to show how we can like ALL of them at times, namely when they work FOR us, and dislike them ALL at times, namely when they work against us.

Second, there are lots of theories of emotions.  These have to do with when and why and how they arise.  We aren't going to go into them, but you certainly can look them up online.

Third, for the purposes of our discussion here, we are going to provide ways to categorize emotion:

I. Types of emotions: proactive & reactive

Proactive emotions are feelings that lead to action (behavior), and they are often referred to as drives, or motivation. They include such things as hunger, thirst, aggression, avoidance, survival, love and sex.

Reactive emotions are those that arise in response to events and situations occurring in the environment. They include such things happiness, contentment, joy, anger, fear, and sorrow.

Development of reactive emotions:

Infants do not have the full repertoire of emotions at birth. Various emotions emerge in the following order:

1. At birth: infants experience only simple emotional states such as distress, contentment and interest.

2. Two to four months: Evidence of happiness appears as seen in a baby’s “social smile.”

3. Four to six months: Basic emotions emerge, including fear, excitement, anger, disgust, surprise, joy and sadness.

4. Six to 18 months: Basic emotions continue to develop and are expressed in broader ways by the child.

5. Eighteen to 24 months: Self-conscious emotions develop, such as guilt, embarrassment and pride.

These two types of feelings (proactive and reactive) are not isolated from each other. They can lead from one to the other. For example, anger can lead to aggression.

II. Positive role of emotions:

Emotions have a positive role in human existence. They benefit the person. For example, the reactive emotions of anger and fear are two that arise in the presence of threat, and they can assist in dealing with potential harm. So, for example, fear keeps people from playing hop-scotch on the freeway.

II. Dysfunctional emotionality

Emotions can become dysfunctional, at which point they have a negative role in human functioning.

This can happen several ways. For example, they can turn from positive to dysfunctional.  They can occur unnecessarily. They can come to dominate a person’s emotional life. They can become fixated. And so on.

Here's a short story we made up to exemplify how an emotional response can work against a person:

We fully recognize that this story is not all that realistic, but we made it up in order to show how an emotional response, in the case terror, can start off working for a person but then move on to working against the person.  Fear causes Bill to run back to his cabin, thereby saving his life.  But then fear leads him to erect such a defense that he loses the ability to see that there comes a time when he need no longer fear, because over time the threat (the bear) is gone.

In other words, Bill lost his ability to see reality.  His emotion-based defense kept him from seeing it.

Moral of the story: When emotions work against us, they can limit our ability to do a reality check.  So, of course, we want folks to be able to feel their emotions, use them for their own benefit, but recognize that it remains important to continually check reality, to see if and when the emotional response is no longer necessary.

Neurological Issues: We can't end this discussion of emotions without addressing how the nervous system affects some emotions. 

Neuropsychologists and neurologists tell us that some emotions arise in the central nervous system and appear more under conscious control.  Others arise in a portion of the peripheral nervous system, specifically the autonomic nervous system, and while we can apply conscious control to them, they initially arise almost reflexively.

Autonomic nervous system: There are two subsystems in the autonomic nervous system, the sympathetic and the parasympathetic, and they cannot operate simultaneously.  In other words, when the sympathetic nervous system is activated, the parasympathetic nervous system cannot function, and vice versa.

Parasympathetic system: Responsible for "rest-and-digest" or "feed and breed" activities that occur when the body is at rest, especially after eating, including sexual arousal, salivation, crying, urination, digestion and defecation/ 

Sympathetic system: In contrast to that, the sympathetic nervous system is responsible for stimulating activities associated with the fight-or-flight response.

Fear and Anger: We brought all of this up, because these are two emotions that are often seen as problematic, one way or another.  So we want to point out that both are designed for self-preservation.  They are inborn and automatic responses to perceived threat.  Fear seeks to escape (flight) the threat, while anger (also aggression) seeks to negate the threat via attack (fight).

Choosing anger over fear: One of the things that we have to do when we perceive threat is quickly decide, fight or flight.  Interestingly, there are those amongst us who see flight (i.e., fear) as a weakness, folks who prefer anger.  One reason often is the notion that it is best to attack and eradicate a threat than to flee is, since it will still be there after one escapes.  But others do not see fear/flight as a weakness and  will choose not to attack but escape to plan for the best way to eliminate or avoid the threat in the future.

Emotional Intelligence:

This is a topic we discuss more fully on another page of this web site, one we recommend you read, because emotional intelligence has to do with how well emotions work for us.  The higher our Emotional Quotient (EQ), the better they work.

 To read about Emotional Intelligence

 To read about empathy