Empathy - Feeling what others feel

Soooo...why do we bring up this topic?

We got to thinking about an age-old question: Should morality be legislated?  And as we thought about it, we got to thinking about what sorts of things really influence how we treat each other.  And that led us to the distinction between inner and outer forces (what some psychologist think of as the distinction between internal and external locus of control, or intrinsic and external reinforcement).

In other words, is moral behavior controlled by external laws and potential punishment should we violate them, or is there some internal process that explains it?  And that led us to the phenomenon of empathy.

And, yes, this is more of an opinion piece, but it does look at the realities that may underlie the ways we treat each other.

Let's begin by clearing up a few things..

Empathy  Sympathy, or Compassion. 

Sympathy and compassion involve caring about another person, and they are two important interpersonal experiences, which can arise from empathy, but they are not the same as empathy.

Now that we're clear about that, we can discuss what empathy is really all about.

Dictionary definition: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

In other words, empathy is the basic human capacity to feel what someone else feels.  It can involve an intellectual identification with the other person (as in "I know what you feel.  I've been in your shoes"), but at its core, it is the vicarious experiencing of the other person's feeling's, a matter of emotionally resonating with those feelings.  In our view, one need not identify with the other person to empathize, but one must be open the feeling what the other person feels.  So the latter does not require the first.  And in our opinion, the latter is actually more important than the first.

What's an example of empathy, this phenomenon of shared emotion? 

Well, have you ever been brought to laughter when hearing someone else laugh and you don't actually know what that person is laughing at, or about.  Better yet, laugh tracks were put on television comedy shows for precisely this reason: hearing laughter can bring laughter, even if it is only internal.

Where does empathy come from?

It appears to be inborn and starts immediately after birth.  Infants in a nursery in a maternity ward will join in crying with another crying infant, and the nursing staff has to check them to see which one is actually in discomfort.  Another example is when we laugh when we hear someone else laughing, even when we don't know what they are laughing about.

Okay, now that we've explored what empathy is, we can get down to looking at a major social consequence of empathy, or the lack of it.

Empathy & the matter of morality

Rules about what is right and what is wrong.

Morality refers to "doing the right thing."  And one way to know what "the right thing" is a set of rules, like, say, the 10 commandments.

There are many who believe and maintain that we must have rules that tell us what is right and what is wrong.  And the often see guilt and the fear of punishment as a motivator to follow the rules.

They may be correct, but it is important to understand that there are those who do not follow the rules, and it's not because they don't know what they are, or care about them.

Psychopathy and Sociopathy (two terms that mean roughly the same thing):

Psychopaths and sociopaths are individuals who often do NOT follow the moral rules for behavior.  They know what they are, but they are indifferent to them.

For one thing, they lack of guilt.  If one has no concern about being culpable and thereby punishable, one may ignore the rules.

But even more important is their inability to feel empathy.  They are not affected by the feelings of other people.  They can recognize them but not vicariously share them.

In fact, these individuals will tell you that they pity those who are burdened by either empathy, or the sense of guilt.

Where does this lead us?

To the notion that empathy, more than rules, can regulate our behavior.  If hurting someone else cause an empathic sense of pain in ourselves, we will tend to resist hurting them.  Hurting them, hurts us.  Simple as that.  But this is not to say that rules are unnecessary.  Just that empathy should be added to the picture and perhaps even ranked higher than rules.

Some believe this notion of empathy goes along with the admonition to "Love thy neighbor as thyself." 

Empathy can be taxing.

First, in order to be empathic, a person has to be open to feeling, his or her own emotions, especially the negative ones, such as fear, pain, sorrow, and anger.

Second, allowing ourselves to vicariously feel what another is feeling can be very powerful, and at time we may find it engulfing, especially when the other person is feeling something very strongly, like say acute grief. 

Finally, we have to have a strong sense of "self" to let in the "other," similar to what Martin Buber called the "I-Thou" experience, a deep almost unconscious connection between people.  But we can do it.

Anti-empathy:

Unfortunately, though, there are those who feel such self-interest that they do not want to let in the "other," people who either have: